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GM3YEW > HUMOUR   22.10.18 09:30l 230 Lines 5293 Bytes #9 (0) @ WW
BID : 21586_GB7YEW
Subj: jokes 22/10
Path: ED1ZAC<ED1ZAC<CX2SA<ZL2BAU<GB7YEW
Sent: 181022/0719Z 21586@GB7YEW.GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO BPQ6.0.16

 
 As Grandmother used to say 
 
 Small showers last long, but sudden storms are short
 
--------
 
HOW THE FIGHT STARTED
 
 
 
Saturday morning
 
I got up early quietly dressed made my lunch grabbed the dog and
Slipped quietly into the garage.
 
I hooked up the boat up to the truck and proceeded to back out into a
Torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph so I pulled back  into the
Garage turned on the radio and discovered that the weather would be  bad
All day.
 
I went back into the house quietly undressed and slipped back into  bed. I
Cuddled up to my wife's back now with a different anticipation and whispered' 
The weather out there is terrible.'
 
My loving wife of 10 years replied 'Can you believe my stupid bloody husband 
Is out fishing in that?'
 
 
 
And that's how the fight started ...
 
 
___________
 
 
  Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland.
 
     1. BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER WIDTH APART.
 
     2. FORM A LOOSE GRIP.
 
     3. KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!
 
     4. AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.
 
     5. STAY OUT OF THE WATER.
 
     6. TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.
 
     7. IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.
 
     8. DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.
 
     9. QUIET PLEASE...WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.
 
   10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.
 
    WELL DONE... NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL,  WASH YOUR HANDS AND
GO OUTSIDE, AND TEE OFF.
 
 
 
****
 
 
 
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were
 
In bed. I turned to her and said "Do you want to have sex?"
 
"No" she answered.
 
I then said"Is that your final answer?"
 
She didn't even look at me this time simply saying "Yes."
 
So I said "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
 
And that's how the fight started ...
 
 
 
****
 

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter for some reason took my
 
Order first. 'I'll have the strip steak medium rare please.'
 
He said 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
 
'Nah' I said' she can order for herself.'
 
And that's how the fight started ...
 
 
 
 
 
****
 
 
 
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion and I
 
Kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
 
Nearby table.
 
My wife asked 'Do you know her?'
 
'Yes' I sighed 'she's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
 
Drinking right after we split up those many years ago and I hear she
 
Hasn't been sober since.'
 
'My God!' says my wife 'Who would think a person could go on
 
Celebrating that long?'
 
And that's how the fight started .
 
 
 
 
 
****
 
 
 
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not
 
Happy with what she sees and says to her husband 'I feel horrible I look
 
Old fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
 
The husband replies 'Your eyesight's darn near perfect.'
 
 
 
And that's how the fight started ...
 
 
 

-------------
 
 
Is there a magic cutoff period when  
Offspring become  accountable for their own
Actions?  Is there a  wonderful moment when
Parents can become  detached spectators in
The lives of their  children and shrug 'It's
Their life' and feel  nothing?
 
  When  I was in my twenties I stood in  a hospital
Corridor waiting for  doctors to put a few
Stitches in my daughter's  head.  I asked 'When do
You stop worrying?'   The nurse said 'When they get out of the  
accident stage.'  My
Dad just smiled faintly  and said nothing.
 
 
When I was in my thirties I sat on a  little
Chair in a classroom and  heard how one of my
Children talked  incessantly disrupted the class And was headed for a  
career making
License plates.   As if to read my mind a teacher
Said 'Don't worry they  all go through
This stage and then you can  sit back relax and
Enjoy them.'  My dad  just smiled
Faintly and said  nothing.
 
 
 
When I was in my forties I spent a  lifetime
Waiting for the phone to  ring the cars to come
Home the front door to  open.  A friend said 'They're trying to find  
themselves.  
Don't worry In a few years you can  stop worrying.  They'll be
Adults.'  My dad just  smiled faintly
And said  nothing.
 

 
 
By the time I was 50 I was sick &  tired of being
Vulnerable.  I was  still worrying over my
Children but there was a  new wrinkle.  There
Was nothing I could do  about it.  My
Dad just smiled faintly  and said nothing.  I
Continued to anguish over  their failures, be
Tormented by their  frustrations and absorbed in
Their  disappointments.
 

 
 
My friends said that when  my kids got married I
Could  stop worrying and lead my own
Life.  I wanted to  believe that but I was
Haunted by my dad's warm  smile and his
Occasional 'You look  pale.  Are you all right?  
Call me the minute you get  home.  Are
You depressed about  something?'
 
  Can  it be that parents are sentenced to a  
Lifetime of worry?   Is concern for one another
Handed down like a torch  to blaze the trail of
Human frailties and the  fears of the
Unknown?  Is concern  a curse or is it a virtue
That elevates us to the  highest form of life?
 
  One  of my children became quite irritable  
Recently saying to me 'Where were you?  I've been
Calling for 3 days and no  one answered I was worried.'
I smiled a warm smile.   
The torch has been  passed.
  

 
 
73 de dave
gm3yew@gb7yew
  
  
 


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