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GM3YEW > HUMOUR   20.01.19 17:00l 140 Lines 5038 Bytes #10 (0) @ WW
BID : 27028_GB7YEW
Subj: Jokes 20/1
Sent: 190120/1551Z 27028@GB7YEW.GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO BPQ6.0.18

 As Grandmother used to say
  Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of gifts he does not give

Puns for those with a higher IQ
 Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.

            The  next time you hear a politician use the
            word 'billion' in a casual  manner, think about
            whether you want the 'politicians'  spending
            YOUR tax money.

            A billion is a difficult number to  comprehend,
            but one advertising agency did a good job of
            putting  that figure into some perspective in
            one of it's  releases.

            A  billion seconds ago it was 1959.

            A  billion minutes ago Jesus was alive.

            A  billion hours ago our ancestors were
            Living in the Stone  Age.

            A  billion days ago no-one walked on the earth on two feet.

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it
becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as
when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them.
Some are over-sensitive, and there's nothing worse than an
over-sensitive woman. 
My name is Jim. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my wife,
Peggy. When I retired a few years ago, it became necessary for Peggy to
get a full-time job along with her part-time job, both for extra income
and for the health benefits that we needed. 
Shortly after she started working, I noticed s he was beginning to show
her age. I usually get home from the golf club about the same time she
gets home from work and although she knows how hungry I am, she almost
always says she has to rest for half an hour or so before she starts
dinner. I don't yell at her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and
just wake me when she gets dinner on the table. I generally have lunch
in the Men's Grill at the club so eating out twice is not reasonable.
I'm ready for some home-cooked grub when I hit that door. 
She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now it's
not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after
dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times
each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really
appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done
before she goes to bed. 
Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she will
say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly bills
during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse, so I
just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out over
two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I also
remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt her
any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my strong
When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest periods.
She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing the lawn.
I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix herself a
nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit for a
while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as well
make one for me too. 
I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support Peggy. I'm
not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many men will
find it difficult. Some will even find it impossible! Nobody knows
better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. 
However, guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less
criticism of your aging wife because of this article, I will consider
that writing it was well worthwhile. After all, we are put on this
earth to help each other. 
Jim died suddenly on May 27 of a perforated rectum.The police report
says he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha Driver
II golf club jammed up his rear end, with barely 5 inches of grip
showing and a sledge hammer laying nearby. His wife Peggy was arrested
and charged with murder. The all-woman jury took only 15 minutes to find
her Not Guilty, accepting her defence that Jim somehow, without looking,
accidentally sat down on his golf club
Q: What's the difference between a general practitioner and a specialist?
A: One treats what you have, the other thinks you have what he treats.
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn't want to jump to a conclusion.
Why would kangaroos make unreliable sailors?
Because they'd always be jumping ship.
Did you hear about the fast-growing baby kangaroo?
He grew by leaps and bounds.
Why did the kangaroo throw her daughter out of the pouch?
She was eating crackers in bed.
When a sailor in San Diego's zoo
Snatched a tiny baby kangaroo,
Its mother said, "Jack,
You can put it right back.
You know picking my pocket's taboo."

73 de dave

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