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GM3YEW > HUMOUR   04.12.18 08:30l 160 Lines 5439 Bytes #2 (0) @ WW
BID : 23850_GB7YEW
Read: GUEST
Subj: jokes 4/12
Path: ED1ZAC<ED1ZAC<GB7CIP<ZS0MEE<GB7YEW
Sent: 181204/0724Z 23850@GB7YEW.GB7YEW.#79.GBR.EURO BPQ6.0.16

As Grandmother used to say 
 
 Every wind has its weather!
  

 A bloke, we'll call him Alan was walking down the
 Street when he was accosted by a particularly
 Dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him
 For a couple of quid  for dinner.
 
 Alan took out his wallet, extracted a tenner and
 Asked, "If I give you  this money, will you buy some beer with it instead?"
 
 "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless  man replied.
 
 "Will you use it to gamble instead of buying food?"  Alan asked.
 
 "No, I don't gamble," the homeless man said. "I need
 Everything I can get  just to stay alive."
 
 "Will you spend this on greens fees at a golf course
 Instead of food?" Alan  asked.
 
 "Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't
 Played golf in 20  years!"
 
 "Will you spend the money on a woman in the red
 Light district instead of  food?" Alan asked.
 
 "What disease is worth getting for ten lousy quid?"
 Exclaimed the homeless  man.
 
 "Well," said Alan, "I'm not going to give you the
 Money. Instead, I'm going  to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my
 Partner, Jane."
 
 The homeless man was astounded. "Won't she be  furious with you for
 Doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell  pretty disgusting."
 
 Alan replied, "That's okay. I just want her to see  what a man looks like
 who's given up beer, gambling, golf and sex."
 
 
Irritation
 
----------
 
There was once a movie entitled, "How to Irritate People." It is obviously
 
The employee training film at my local bank.
 
 
 
Politician
 
----------
 
The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone
 
Rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened.
 
When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good
 
News.
 
"Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!"
 
"Honestly?"
 
The politician's smiled faded. "Aw, Ma, why bring that up at a time like
 
This?"
 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
 I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64
Charge. I Gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64. I gave the
Money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY  favour.
She became indignant and informed me she was Educated and
Knew what she was doing, and returned the money again.  I gave her the
Money  back, same scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64.
           
 They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail
------------------------------------------------------------------------          
 I walked  into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon
 For a Grande Latte.  I handed it to the girl and she looked
Over at a little chalkboard that said  'buy one-get one free.' 'They're
Already buy-one-get-one-free,' she said, 'so  I guess they're both free'
She Handed  me my free Lattes and I  walked out the door.
          
  They Walk Among Us!
------------------------------------          
One day  I was walking down the beach with some Friends when
One of them shouted,  'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked Up at the
Sky and said  'Where'?
 
  They Walk Among Us!
-------------------------------------            
While  looking at a house, my brother asked the real Estate
Agent which  direction was north because, he explained, he
Didn't want the sun waking him  up every morning.  She asked, 'Does the sun
Rise in the north?'  When my brother explained that the sun rises in the
East,  and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh I don't keep
Up  with all that stuff.'
            
They Walk Among Us!!
----------------------------------        
I  used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call centre.
One day I got a  call from an individual who asked what hours the
Call centre  was  open. I told him, 'The number you dialled is open 24 hours
A day, 7 days a  week.' He responded, 'Is that Eastern or Pacific time?'
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, 'Uh,  Pacific.'
           
 They Walk Among Us!
---------------------------------------         
 My sister has a  lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut
 Through a seat belt if she gets  trapped. She keeps it in the
Boot.
          
 They Walk Among  Us!
---------------------------------------------       
My friends and I were buying beer and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. 
Since it was a big party, we bought 4 cases 
The cashier multiplied 4 times 10% and gave us a 40%  discount.\
         
 They Walk Among Us!
----------------------------------------          
I couldn't find my  luggage at the airport baggage area, so I
Went to the lost luggage office and  told the woman there that my bags
Never showed up. She smiled and told me not  to worry because she was a
Trained professional and I was in good hands.  'Now,' she asked me, has
Your plane arrived yet?
          
They Walk  Among Us!
--------------------------------------------          
While working at a pizza parlour I observed a man  Ordering a
Small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he
Would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time
Before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm  hungry
Enough to eat 6 pieces.'\
        
  Yep, 
They Walk Among  Us!            
They Walk Among Us,
And they Reproduce,
 And Worst of all                 
 
  THEY VOTE

  

 
 

  73 de dave
gm3yew@gb7yew
  
 



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